A little romatic history. Err.. herstory

The word Relationship can have a plethora of meanings. The main one people tend to think about involves Love. More specifically, love for a significant Other.

To date I've been in 5 relationships where I've said "I love you". But in each situation, the exact meaning an instensity of that phrase was slightly different. Let me see if I can explain...

Richard

I met Richard my first year of High School. This guy was far from the typical 17-18 year old. He actually came to school wearing suits. He was a music composition major. He adored Philip Glass. In my 14-year-old eyes, he was fucking perfect. I was so young and inexperienced (in every sense of the word), and he seemed so grown up. So cultured. Sophisticated. He was my first everything (by everything, I mean my first kiss all the way up to my first time). But after about 8 months, things started getting rough. He was diagnosed with Schizotypal Personality Disorder, started getting paranoid, and I didn't know how to handle it.

The love I had for Richard was very innocent. You're first love always is. You hope that it's going to last forever, but then you realize this kind of love isn't about getting married and having kids. It's about experience. I learned a great deal from it. And we're still friends even after it all.


Danielle

By the time I had met Danielle, I was comfortable with that fact that I might be a lesbian. I had dated other girls, kissed them, but hadn't gone farther than 2nd base. I was actually seeing this really cool girl when I first started hanging out with her, and therefore, wasn't too interested in getting involved. Which was fine, she had a boyfriend at the time.

So we became friends. Reagan and I stopped seeing each other, her boyfriend moved to Sacramento, and that's when things started to get interesting. Even though I had kind of had a thing for who I thought was her ex-husband, I developed a crush on her, which I ended up admitting to. We began dating, fell in love within a matter of a month or two, and started toying with the idea that maybe this was it. The Big It. I was saving up for a ring even. Then I got an angry email from who I thought was her ex-boyfriend to stay the fuck away from his fiancé. Words cannot describe the pain I felt. She had deceived me. She had twisted so many truths and I believed her. I believed her when she told me I was the one she was going to grow old with.

While I was madly in love with her, the majority of the relationship was build on a elaborate web of tales that were anything but the truth. What I took from that relationship, Honesty and Trust are two very very important factors.


Michael

I had met Michael through Vince way back in early 2001. Michael and I were both beatniks, had the same taste in women, and got along famously. In the early days, I would have never even considered dating him. I was, after all, gay. But because we were so similar, we became really good friends as well. Things changed after visiting him at Bookmans one day after I had been dumped by Danielle for the second time (ugh, that's another long story...). I started sleeping with Michael because I was lonely and I didn't see any romantic potential. He, in my book, was safe. But then again, you can't try to control your feelings.

Eventually, we started dating. I moved in. And Life seemed wonderful. Our similarities made the relationship very even toned and comfortable. But that's not to say I didn't know what I had signed up for. To make a long story short, he didn't have a job and ended up cheating on me. The whole situation left a bitter taste in my mouth for a very long time. That's not to say we aren't still friends after it all though, and for that I'm thankful.

While I didn't see longevity, I enjoyed how comfortable that relationship was. But along with Honesty and Trust being important, you've also got to be able to support yourself. Distrust will surely tear two people apart, but the whole money issue will add a fuck ton of salt to a wound.


Lucas

I had never met anyone quite like Lucas. He was extremely independent, very intelligent, and unlike a lot of geeks I've know, actually liked getting out of the house. Falling in love with him was a bumpy and lengthy journey. But it happened. And the more he pushed me away, the closer I forced myself to him. I will admit that I turned into a person I wasn't very fond of in that relationship. I became dependant, lost a great deal of self-esteem, and felt myself closing off.

The problem with him was the fact that we didn't communicate. I didn't feel like I could disclose, and when I did, I got nothing in return. It was heart breaking. He's a wonderful man, but loving him was a difficult task.

Sergio

Ok, I do have a set of rules in place for dating. I like meeting people through friends. I've never been into meeting people at bars or at large social events. I like being friends before I date someone. Usually when you meet someone and you know right off the bat that you’re interested you don't tend to truly be yourself. When romance does come into the equation, I like waiting at least a month before sleeping with them and after that it usually takes a good 3 months before falling in love.

Sometimes rules are made to be broken.

5 day after the first kiss we slept together. 3 days after that, we admitted to being completely in love with each other. Usually this can be chopped up to that initial new relationship excitement. But not this time. I am in Love. It's something that I have honestly never experienced in my life. It's wonderful, amazing, and scary as fuck (I would either be lying or bat shit crazy if I didn't admit to being scared. But keep in mind that we're always nervous or frightened when we're feeling something completely and totally new).

I also usually have a sense that something isn't going to last. When dating, I don't tend to think about how this relationship will affect my future, I have a good sense that things will end sooner or later. As of right now, I don't have that feeling at all. It's exciting. And I'm very interested in seeing what develops.


... Love is a strange beast. It's interesting to see how one emotion can feel so different depending on who it's shared with. Each time you fall in love, it's a new experience. Lessons are learned, you become more aware each time with what you want, and it helps shape us.